I did it. I drove over 200 miles to see him. When I first walked in he didn't know it was me and I sat and listened to him and his group for about 20 minutes. The percussionist kept giving me the eye and it made me feel really good, not just for my own ego, but because I knew the guys would be jealous when they realized I was friends with Johnny and I was glad for him. When they were finished for the night I waited a few minutes before walking over to say hello, it was then, when I started talking to him, that he recognized me. He was so surprised! We gave each other hello kisses and hugs then talked for a while. He ignored his band and let them break down the equipment while we chatted. Hee hee! We did a little catching up and exchanged information so that we can stay in touch now. On his CD he wrote "For my beautiful friend *A*, with all my love.. JV" Awwwwwww.
During our chat he said something that sounded like "You break my heart" and I was all like... What?!?! What did you say??? I was thinking that if he was still hurt after all these years that I would have to go kill myself. It is bad enough I regret my actions and still hold the guilt all these years later. He repeated... "You make my heart so happy" Awwwwww again. It was very sweet and it meant I didn't have to kill myself. :-)
Usually I don't like when men touch me too much, unless they are someone I know well, but when he put his arm around my waist it felt so comfortable. Yes, we had been very close to the point that he called me his wife, but that was long ago and I would have thought that closeness would have faded. I guess I just don't feel threatened by him. I still believe his is the most pure person I have ever known.
We talked about getting together to hang out at some point when I am up there. I told him that I am frequently up there and that I'd love to come see him when he's singing. He thought that was great. He also said we should go out some time just to talk and hang out. Cool! When I told him I'd just been up in that area last weekend he asked why I hadn't gotten in touch with him and I said I didn't have his information... he gave me a silly look and told me I better call him next time. I will. :-) I told him I'd help him with his website since it pretty much sucks and he thought that would be awesome (as long as he's not as demanding as Roberto I can get a nice website done quickly!). He asked what I was doing after the show and I told him I was driving back home. He seemed like he wanted to suggest going out or something, but didn't. He knows how far I live plus he does have a wife to get home to.
As I was getting ready to leave we hugged and kissed again and then held each other for a moment, nothing mushy or passionate, but something very sincere.
It was so good to see him and talk to him. I'm glad I made the trip. I'm hoping this meeting will get us back to being friends, not that we were ever enemies, but (selfishly) I need to heal inside and get rid of the guilt over hurting him. I'm such an asshole.
Please god, don't let me hurt this angel again.