It's a vodka night. Not Raspberry Vodka... though he'd be fun I'm just not feeling up to fooling around.

So now I'm moderately intoxicated and looking up quinoa recipies that I can make over the weekend. Yeah, I live life on the edge. Don't be jealous!

I haven't talked to Roberto since he last called while driving somewhere between St. Petersburg and Miami. Next week I'm heading back up his direction and I hope we can spend some time together without his family around. I need to talk with him and tell him the progress I'm making.

Funny, even as I'm typing that I'm making progress (in my emotions toward Martin) I'm still continuing my conversations with him... although I always let him know I don't want a relationship other than friendship. Yeah, there is a little part of me that does wonder about something more. Am I lying to myself? Sometimes I think I am but I'm not letting Martin know that. I'm trying.

The last letter I got from Martin had some strange little forms in it. I was confused at first.. was he sending me the forms I would need to fill out if I wanted to get approved to come visit him?? Because I'd made no mention of visiting. No. They were forms so that I could deposit money into an inmate account for him. What the fuck? I was really put off by this! I read his letter and, while I was still annoyed by his forwardness, I understood why he was asking for money. And he only asked if I could send $20... not $100 or anything imposing. As a friend, I can send him the $20, but nothing more. He's in for a year, maybe I could send him another $20 in six months... but that's it.

The last guy that asked me for $20 is now a lame memory of mine. At the time I was unemployed and still trying to keep my apartment and raise my son. The guy had two jobs yet still didn't have any money and asked me for $20 for gas. I gave him the $20 and never spoke to him again. What a loser!

This is why I need Toe to talk with. He is good at telling me the things I need to hear. He doesn't hold back, and even when he says things that hurt, I know he's not doing it to be mean. If there is any chance of someone getting through to me.. it's him.

Did I mention @na & N@zim are expecting a baby?!?! When they told me I was so excited and happy for them I was jumping up and down!! They have been trying and finally she is pregnant. I have to admit I feel a certain hesitance about the baby, not quite sure what it is, but I pray things will go well. The reason I worked three days last weekend instead of two was because we wanted @na to stay home because she wasn't feeling well and we didn't want her to over exert herself. I hope things go well! I can't wait to see a little baby from those two!!!

I haven't heard from Johnny or Luis since last weekend! What up with that?!?! I wish I knew Flamenco Dude's name (first and last) but asking Johnny would be kinda wrong. I wonder if Roberto knows? Oh yes, I so need to talk to Toe!!!!!

Alright, now that I've written a completely useless entry (although I managed to find a promising quinoa recipe at the same time) maybe I should go.

I wish I had some white cheddar Cheez Its. Or Chex Mix. Damn you vodka for giving me the munchies!!!!!

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