I need something to do. Something to occupy my mind. Last night I started listening to music and watching videos on You Tube and next thing I knew I was watching the video of Sum@y and I missed him so much. I texted Roberto telling him that I missed his little brother and he replied back "Is everything okay?" - I said yes and that was the end of our texts. He probably thought I was depressed. I miss the guys so much! This weekend I'll get to see a few of them but the two I really miss are both in Ecuador. :-( N@z!m says I act like their mother and he's right. I feel like I need to take care of them when they are here, so now that they are gone I feel like my own children have left me!! What am I going to do when my son goes off to college in another 4-5 years? I'm gonna die!!

I have put up exactly "zero" decorations for Christmas. I'm a Grinch. No, that's not true. It isn't that I don't like Christmas, I just have no holiday spirit. I haven't had it in years. The only reason I put a tree up and decorate is for my son. If he wasn't there it would be just another day. I love having the lights on the tree creating a warm glow in the house, but I hate having a good chunk of space taken up by the tree and presents. Oh my.. maybe I am the Grinch!!!

I was supposed to go for an ultrasound yesterday to check for gall stones. I thought the appointment was today and consequently missed it. Ugh. My family informed me that I'm the only woman in the family that still has her gall bladder. Does this mean I'm doomed?? I don't want any more surgeries on my abdomen! I really think the problem is heartburn and not gall stones, but I guess I should do what the doctor requests.

A couple nights ago my mom called wanting to discuss why I wanted to move her up here in February. Uh... because I need to get you moved before I no longer have a job? I need to move you while I have money to get things done? She replies... Why can't you wait until April or May when the weather is better? What the???? Did I not just tell her that I needed to get it done before I lose my job?!?!? HELLO!! She was frustrating me so much that I finally told her, if she didn't want to move here in February (which is NOT a concrete time frame - plus Gina hasn't said yes to her moving in yet) and I lost my job after that, then I would not be able to move her up here any time soon. She kept making excuses and I was getting really mad.

Finally, I told her I didn't want to talk about it anymore but that she should start trying to pack a box a day. "But I don't have any boxes." OH. MY. GOD. What does she expect me to do? Go down there, buy boxes, pack everything for her, load it all on the truck and drive it here? She has to get the boxes and pack them. At least pack most of them. I'll pack some stuff, I'll load the truck and drive it. But she will have to do something. I understand she has problems, physical and mental (it is her mental problems that are the issue here), but I cannot do everything.

This is NOT going to be fun.

However you look at it, if she doesn't help herself and if she won't get stuff ready she will have to wait until I can take a couple weeks off to take care of everything, or if I lose my job she'll be in the same situation. The wait would probably be until September or October of next year... so she better get her ass in gear and stop procrastinating!

Last night when I spoke with Buffalo on the phone (that sneaky call that I called back without knowing who it was) I did get one good piece of information. With my CDIB card I am guaranteed a job a one of the casino's! WOOT! So, if things totally go bad here and the company ends up folding I always have that option. I would have to move closer because I'm not quite in work-travel distance to them, but at least I know I would have a job. Hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do! This still won't alleviate the problems of moving my mother up here, because if I have to move to work I will then be paying a rent and all the household bills by myself and won't have money for moving her.

I am only one person. I don't make a butt-load of money. I don't even have my own place to live. I have a child to raise and my own bills to take care of. I am barely managing things as it is now. My mother needs to stop acting like a child and do what needs to be done, like it or not!

Now that I've stressed myself out I need to go eat some veggie-veggie soup.

�

�

�

�