I am so happy that Obama is now the official President of the United States!!! I pray that he can live up to the expectations put before him because there are some treacherous waters for him to navigate and even when he reaches the shores he will find more issues to contend with. Hopefully the American people will continue to stand behind him, and beside him, and work to get all things in order.

My heartburn is back. I'm about 101% sure I have an ulcer. The heartburn kicked up again around last Thursday and while it wasn't fun, it was tolerable. Then, on Monday night, I started feeling light-headed, dizzy and nauseous. So I went to bed early and when I got up in the morning I felt okay for about the first 10 minutes. Then it hit me like a brick wall! I was getting so light-headed I almost blacked out at one point and decided driving to work wouldn't be a good idea. Also accompanying these other symptoms is, and sorry to be icky, black stools. That is what makes me think it is a ulcer because I'm not taking iron, drinking Pepto or eating lots of spinach or doing anything else that would make me poop black, so it would seem I'm bleeding internally.

I called the surgeon's office but he is not in until next week. The nurse sent me for blood work and gave me an appointment for the 28th. Luckily, the dizziness has lessened, but I still have a hell of a headache. I'm thinking that could partly be because I stopped drinking coffee and soda (so the caffeine wouldn't bother my stomach) so maybe that is a withdrawal headache. The heartburn is still there but considering I've been living on milk and soup the last couple days it isn't too bad. I've also lost 6 pounds in the past week. Soup diet! Woot!!

***I just got a call from my doctor's office (not the surgeon's) and they said my iron is extremely low and that I am very anemic and also that my liver enzymes are low! She said I should call my surgeon's office and talk to them tomorrow morning. Then she asked how I felt and I told her about the dizzyness and she suggested I call them ASAP!! Oh crap!!! ***

And my kitty is back at the vet today too. At least her xray showed no stones and her urine test shows improvement. The vet said to finish up the antibiotics I have and just keep an eye on kitty.

Little does the vet know that as soon as I wake up in the morning now kitty high-tails it to secret hiding places so that I cannot find her and give her the meds! I try being slick... bringing up some of the liquid from the can of tuna, sprinkling some cat nip on the floor... but kitty is not so dumb!! Still, I will attempt to do as the vet asks and shove that pill down my kitty's throat.

I got a call from !nt! just before the guys all left for Dubai but I was working at the Evil Empire and missed it. I wrote him back to see if he needed anything but he said everything was cool and promised to take lots of pictures and video!! I just wrote Roberto this morning to check in and see how things are going but I have absolutely no idea of what the time difference is so it might be the middle of the night there!

I can't wait to see the pics and videos!!!

The other night while working at the Evil Empire a guy I had known from Spanish class was there. We chatted for a few minutes (it was super slow!) and he mentioned how he owns property and rents places. As I am looking to move in the next 6 months I told him I was looking for a place and we exchanged phone numbers.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!!

He called me the very next night and talked my ear off for an hour and a half!!! We talked about his properties, his job, Spanish class.. all kinds of stuff. He was telling me how he was heading to Florida this week and that he'd call me from there. Uhh... why? I didn't say anything but a few minutes later he does the "So, are you dating anyone?" - GAH!!! I think the long silence after his question clued him into the fact that I'm not interested. Sure, he might have money and be a good looking guy, but he was just a lot to full of himself! Puh-leez! Thankfully, he hasn't called me from Florida or any place else since then. I hope he has realized that I was/am looking for rentals and not a boyfriend.

Is it just me or are men just stupid? I mean, if I were him, I would have waited a few conversations before dropping the "dating" bomb. I'm sorry to stereotype because I know not all men are that way.. but sheesh.. too many of them are!

Stoooooopid!

Besides, things with Martin and I are moving forward. He calls about 2 times a week and we talk for about an hour (in 15 minute intervals) and we still write back and forth. Lately, our phone conversations have gotten a little more serious and we've discussed our feelings and our fears.

I know I haven't been writing up here as often as I would like (or need) to, but I have told him that he can move here when he gets out and that I will travel down there to get him when he's released. I think, despite some of the things he may have done, that he is a good person and that he is a good man. I believe he is strong enough to deal with my issues, which I have been totally up front about, and compassionate enough to love me no matter what. We have revealed alot about ourselves to each other and I really believe I can have a good relationship with him.

And even in this short time he realizes that while I am the same person I was before, I have also grown to be even more than what he could have expected. I've told him straight out that I will never compete with any of the women in his past (he does have a baby momma who sounds like drama *rolls eyes*) because they will never compare to me and there is no competition. I know I am a good woman! I know what I bring to a relationship and I expect the same in return.

Anyway, in discussing our fears he told me he is afraid that I will find someone else before he gets out and discard him. I told him my fear is that when he gets out he will go back to his old girlfriend and I'd lose him again. I told him that I have had plenty of chances to have men in my life and I have not wanted a man until I started talking with him. He told me that he wants to be a family with me and that he would not let anything jeopardize that. I told him that it is all in his hands and that as long as he doesn't screw it up he won't have anything to worry about. It seems we both want to be together, but I can understand his fear and I know my own. It is a huge commitment between us and we have to have faith in each other.

When he told me he'd never go back to his old girlfriend I said that was good because I'd have to go down there and kill him. He laughed and then said, "You do remember that all these conversations are recorded, right?" I told him yes, that's how he should know I was serious! LOL!!! Of course he then started saying "If anyone can hear this, I'm afraid of this woman! Lord, please keep her away from me!!" So, if they ever take him seriously over our laughter I'll be locked up myself!!

But, as it stands, I want him here. I want him to be a part of my life and to take on the role of boyfriend/lover/husband. I know things can be good between us and I honestly think that if I am confident enough once we are together I might actually marry him. Yep. I said it! Can ya believe it?!? In one way I can't believe it myself, but in another, I know this man and I know I've been looking for him for all these years for a reason. Now, I just gotta wait til his ass is outta prison!

When I first started talking about Martin, didn't I say it would be like an episode of Jerry Springer?!?! Maybe we can have a KKK wedding and our wedding party can be all midgets or amputees!!! Oh, and I want a transvestite hooker to jump out of the wedding cake!!! And hopefully (or not) all the classy chicks in the church pews with flash their boobs! Wow! I can't wait!!

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