I'm so bummed. Yesterday there were more layoffs. Two of my buddies were let go. :-( One of them I didn't know about until just before lunch when I went to ask where we were going to go for our lunch date only to find out he was no longer at the company. I feel so bad sad.

We also took a 10% pay cut yesterday too. That hurts some, but thankfully I have the Evil Empire as backup. Roberto tells me I owe another $4,800 on the car and between my tax refund and my frantic squirreling away of money, I'm thinking I'll have that paid off within the next month. Then I can start saving for all the other crap I have to deal with.

Honestly, I'm more sad about the people that were let go than I am the pay cut.

Update: I just got back from lunch and found that one of our other offices is having layoffs in 2 weeks. I have been wondering what that location was doing to keep afloat since they never get phone calls, emails, faxes, etc. - so I'm not totally surprised they're having big layoffs there.

Last night I was cleaning up around the house and I found a little box from an ink cartridge for my printer. I looked in the box and in the bottom all I could read was "ASS MAIL". I told my son to look in the box and he just started laughing. Then he asked what Ass Mail was. I explained it was a new service by the postal service where you could send post cards of your naked butt to your friends as a joke. He looked at me for a minute then sighed and shook his head. Okay, okay, it probably was just folded up and really said First Class Mail!!! But I liked my idea way better!!!!

A little later in the evening my son and I were both eating chocolate cake when I happened to notice the cat. Hey Bubba (I say to my son) Checkers is having chocolate too!! He looks over only to see the cat licking her butthole. HAHAHAHA! I was on such a roll last night!!!

Hey, at least I thought those things were funny!!!

The guys are back from Dubai and Roberto already has another trip to Spain in the works. DAMN!! I was teasing him about how he must be rich to be flying all over the world. Ha! He's more broke than I am!! But at least he gets to see beautiful places while making the few pesos he does. This trip is something he is doing with another musician so even if I was able to go, I couldn't. Spain would be nice to see, but I'm still more interested in Dubai!

Yesterday Roberto borrowed my car to go to NYC and we sat in the car for a little while talking before he left. He's concerned about me and Martin, and I not only understand it, I appreciate his concern. All things in life have risks, whether it be eating a peanut butter cracker or sky diving, and I'm fairly certain I'm ready to take this risk. Roberto just thinks I'm too good for Martin and that I deserve better. From certain perspectives, he is totally correct and even Martin has told me he knows he's not as good as me. But the only perspectives that I honestly care about are the ways he will treat me and mine, the ways he will work with me as a team (not be some slouch who lets me work two jobs and still expects me to do all the house work, pay the bills, do the groceries, etc.) and I know he will love me unconditionally. There are other things but those are the ones that are most important to me and in those areas we are equals. He's got a record, he won't be able to get an awesome job, he doesn't have a 401k and he's a bad speller. You know what... if that is the ways he is not as good as me... I don't care. I know he will do whatever it takes to make sure I am happy and to make sure we survive as a couple.

One thing that really touched me in our conversation was when Roberto and I were talking about his marriage and his wife. He said to me "If I had someone like you who cared for me, I would be blessed." And not only was it his words, but his eyes got all glassy. I thought it was so very sweet, and yet so very sad. He's a great guy and he deserves a damn good woman... unfortunately his wife is a selfish, childish person who doesn't seem to grasp reality and when I see him like that it wounds me and makes me despise her. Yeah, he's a musician who doesn't rake in the big bucks and he does have his faults, but he tries so hard for her and their son, and she's so ungrateful. Someday they will split and she'll hook up with some guy who treats her like shit... and then she'll realize how good she had it with Toe!

Karma's a bitch baby!

Martin sent me a Valentine's Day card with his picture in it! The picture wasn't the greatest, but the fact that he did it was so very sweet. I'm the only one who has any pictures of him! Not his family, his baby mama or his Ex. I still have pictures of him from 20 years ago and now I have this new one too. He said he hated taking the pic but wanted me to have one. He said it was only fair considering I have sent him pics of me. I love him. I love that he will step outside his comfort zone to make me happy. I don't expect him to do that, and I never expected to get a picture, but that he does it lets me know he's putting real thought into what is going on and not just thinking about himself.

I will not post the picture here because he asked me not show anyone and even said that when he gets here we will throw it out. Hell no we won't! That is MY picture!! I will not throw it out. When he's here I'll take good pictures and post them.

He did almost get himself into trouble the other day. I was not happy! Have I not said many times that he is foolish and gets in trouble for stupid stuff??? I don't know all the details because we can't really get into it over a recorded phone conversation, but he did say it could have gotten him 60 days in solitary. What the F*ck!?!? That 60 days gets added to his sentence and any gain time (time they reduce the sentence by for good behavior) he had accrued would be lost. I told him on the phone that I was glad he didn't get in trouble and that the guard let it slide, but I told him he has to stop being so foolish. Then I wrote him a letter and really laid it on the line!! I told him that if he gets in trouble I get punished too because it affects me as well as him and that wasn't fair to me. If he cannot think before doing something stupid - and he ends up getting his sentence extended - I told him I will still be here for him when he gets out, but things will change. I told him I would not be able to continue supporting him as I do by writing letters and accepting his phone calls. I have even made him a promise that I would wait for him, that I will be faithful, give up my lover and not have sex with anyone... but that promise will be null and void! I needed to put fear in him, sometimes it's the only thing that gets him to think straight!

So, I told him that the next time he thinks of doing something stupid or someone asks him to do something that he needs to say: "If I get in trouble my girlfriend is gonna fuck another guy and I can�t have that!!� I'm hoping my blunt wording will make it sink in.

I do love him and I know he's not perfect. Luckily, I also know how to motivate him.

Dang! I gave my son my chapstick and now my lips are chapped. :-( Oh, the things we do for our children!!!! LOL!

Have a good weekend everyone!

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